What Should I Do In The Closet?

I am in the closet and I am getting tired of flirting with guys. But I cant tll anyone about anything. My friends judge s harshly and they make fun of them. Not only that their are no other gay people at my school I go to a small school. I dont have any crushes on any of my friends but I kind of feel like being in the closet is suffocating me. I feel like I am all trapped and I am so upset. But I cant tell anyone and i know i never will. i almost have a boyfriend who i dont even like because i have a crush on this female actress. So what should I do i am not coming out i just need something to make me feel less suffocated!